Have We Run Our Course?

I've always been a believer in God putting people in my life right when I need them, but one thing I've had a harder time trusting, is that they all aren't meant to be permanent. The journey some friends share with us is a lot shorter than others, and that can be hard to accept. Sometimes the function of a particular friend is to help you through a tough spot in your life, and after you've moved past it, the friendship just isn't AS needed.  When they were once the person you couldn't possibly live without, they start to be the person you hardly speak to. Though it is a natural course of life, it does pull at the heart strings when you can see in their eyes that they don't need you like they used to. That avoiding your disappointment or protecting your feelings is just not top priority anymore.

I'm in the mist of a friendship adaptation that took two years to bend to where we are now. We leaned on each other for every emotional comfort, and each time, it bent our relationship a little more. We told each other everything and were the significant "other" in each others lives. We never dated but we were often the others "plus one" when needed. I know he is stronger now and I see that I am not as important as I used to be...and maybe it's the same way for me too. I trust that we will always be important to each other, but over the last month or so I have seen the change between us. Maybe we know each other TOO well and learned things we don't like. Or maybe we resent the other for knowing our insecurities. I can't exactly put my finger on it...but we are definitely different.

Sunday night I tried to have a serious conversation where I had hoped we'd save our friendship. I had the whole conversation scripted out in my head and when he didn't take my queue and read his lines....a part of my heart sank. He didn't try at all...not really. Not the way he would have a year ago. He just sat there and then, when I had said all the lines I rehearsed and he still hadn't recited his...I left. He never even got off the couch, took the laptop off his lap or turned the football game off. Who was this man? Clearly not the same man who begged me not to think about moving home because he didn't want to be here without me. Clearly not the same man that calls me family. How does a relationship change that dramatically? The only way I can effectively wrap my brain around this is that maybe my journey with him has begun to come to an end. Maybe we don't need each other anymore. As upsetting as that thought is to me...I honestly can't think of any other reason why he didn't even TRY. Instead, he just said a few weak sentences and starred at the muted Dallas game. Guess it was polite of him to mute the game at least! When I walked out, I was disappointed in him but did feel relived that I said what I needed to say. Proud that I was a grown up and didn't sweep anything under the rug. Maybe this will help me move on. Maybe not feeling so needed will let me have the freedom to try new things; take a new path. Maybe this was God's plan all along.