I have recently been engrossed in catching up on two shows, Brothers & Sisters and Parenthood. If you don't know either of these shows, I can fill you in very simply. Both dramas have to do with incredibly close, meddlesome, overbearing, honest and overwhelmingly loving families. The kind of families that tell the truth even when it hurts because it's the right thing to do. The kinds of bonds that last through basic sibling jealousy, divorce and even death. Even though I know these are fictional families with made up issues, I can relate to them. The family dynamics of the Walker and Braverman families are very similar to most American families...but we aren't required to settle or solve our issues in the length of an episode or season.
Every sibling in a family has a different perspective and ultimately a different role. It is human nature for a parent to hover over a first born. Worry about every little thing and celebrate every milestone. The more children that are added to the family, the more responsibility is placed on the oldest sibling; multiply that by twenty in a single parent home. How can a parent absolutely treat every child the same? The love is equally as strong for each, but there are so many factors that can effect how each child is treated..and with that, can mean sibling rivalry.
I always justified that members of my family protected me and told me their opinions, even when it hurt, because they love me. Because, their ultimate goal was and always will be for my happiness. I was always sure that it was just in a person's nature to look out for the youngest in the family. From my perspective, my view of our family dynamic has always been positive! Growing up, the fear of disappointing my mother was the worst punishment I could think of and I desperately avoided it at all costs. The need to be cool, fun and simply visible to my older sisters was the only other equal. I wanted to do everything my sisters did. I absolutely idolized them, and I honestly didn't realize how much of my life I made mirror theirs. Music, sports, teaching, writing....etc. Maybe it's not fair how high of a pedestal I placed them on...but as the youngest, I assume that's common.
On my Graduation day from Towson, both of my sisters wrote very amazing words about me. Ann Marie's note I have framed in my living room because they mean so much to me. The way they saw me on that day, and hopefully still do, absolutely shocked me. I never thought for one minute that they could look up to me in anyway, considering I still have a stiff neck from a lifetime of looking up to them. But what I learned starting from that day, was that not only was I always visible, but that who I was actually DID have an impact on them. I know that sounds silly to not have really noticed til then, but I honestly just didn't really get it.
Being a family is a lot more complicated the older you get. Your parents don't arrange the family get togethers and don't insist you call your grandmother. You aren't obligated to share holidays with the entire family and after so many years of sweeping little things under the rug for fear of creating drama, the reasoning seems exhausting. So avoidance tends to be the best and seemly preferred action. And even though I resort to avoidance for things like the check engine light being on and the gym in general, I am not a supporter of avoiding family. I have always been the kind of person that actually NEEDS to address and resolve, as best as possible, any confrontation right away. As a hormonal pre-teen I usually didn't express myself with any grace and most certainly yelled and cried. Actually, that may have continued through my early twenties as well. But eventually, I did get a handle on my emotions. I can calmly discuss, with out blame or condescension, my opinion and sometimes defense. This is actually a huge accomplishment I can completely attribute to therapy. Yet another reason everyone should have a therapist. Therefore, I am no "under the rug sweeper"! I want to storm in, completely unannounced, like Sarah from Brothers & Sister and say exactly what needs to be said without any fear of the consequences. I want to give my opinion, without it being asked for, like Crosby from Parenthood and know that I've been heard and my view was at least considered.
Being a close family is messy...there is no doubt about it. We mess up, let each other down and say things we can't unsay. We choose sides, take advantage and most definitely over step. But sweeping our messes under a rug does not clean anything. All it really does is create resentment and distance between the people who truly love each other unconditionally. My incredibly passionate, creative, inspiring and opinionated family is the exact combination of people I could ever dream up to love impermeably. No obstacles or boundaries placed in front of me will ever change that. So I guess in that respect, I could call myself an honorary Braverman.
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