Over the last few weeks, I've been spending time with a bartender at a restaurant across the parking lot from where I work. He is also a regular at our store so we have had the same friends in common for a while now. It's only been within the last month that he has been going out for drinks with us and two weeks ago we started spending time alone. He is a wonderful guy and really has a lot to offer someone, but I'm pretty sure I knew right away that I wouldn't be that girl. After two weeks of getting to know him better, I stand firm in my initial decision that even though he is a good guy, he isn't going to be MY guy.
I'm proud of the way I handled this situation. I was very honest and never lead him to believe I was deeper into this relationship than I really was. The bottom line is that we are too different. I will openly admit all the ways we differ, but please don't misunderstand this as me making fun of him, I hold him in my highest respects which is why I am not letting him waste his time on me.
I am a tall curvy woman who has plenty of body image issues. With that being said, I feel the sexiest, safest and most comfortable around men that are taller and thicker than me. If it is the other way around, my body issues are WAY WORSE. This particular man is at least 3 inches shorter than me and as much as I'd like to be one of those women who don't care....I'm just not. I feel HUGE around him. He stayed the night with me three times and all we did was cuddle (seriously, no hanky panky). But, because of the height and body type differences, I was not comfortable cuddling at all. I only fell asleep by not touching him which seems to defeat the purpose of him being there to begin with. The way I like to cuddle is by snuggling up beside a man whose long and strong arm holds me while I fall asleep on his chest. That scenario really just isn't an option with him.
I am a music lover through and through, but I am the first to admit that I do not love all music. Generally, if there is screaming or incomprehensible lyrics, I'm not going to like it. I know plenty of people do like it and have good reasons for it Maybe like it to hype them up for a game or to work out to, but to me, all it is a screaming and just horrible all around. Of course the bartender loves such music. I think he especially likes heavy metal and industrial music. Even though I don't think I really know what industrial music is, if he is pairing it with metal I'm 99% sure I couldn't handle it. Being able to tolerate each others music and have some kind of joint appreciation is pretty important to me. I would love to have someone open my mind to new music that I eventually fall in love with, but I already know I can not stand the screaming shit.
I walked into his apartment last night and it was honestly the final piece into who he was that solidified our mismatch. He had Star Wars figurines still in the packaging on display on his living room bookshelf. He had a lot of artwork of mystical anime type characters on most of his walls and a skull with one eye on his bottom shelf. He is a big gamer and has over thirty friends on his X-Box. I'm not judging, but I just don't know how to relate to people who spend that much time playing games.
He has a wonderful relationship with his sister and it is clear that they care deeply about each other. That is always a great thing to see since I hold family so near and dear to my heart. His parents have been married for over forty years and he seems to come from a strong and loving family. All of that is really just amazing but one of the things he has in common with his sister, is that they both like to dress in Gothic clothing and go to parties that way. Black from head to toe with back eye liner and lipstick. I know everyone has their interests and maybe people think it's crazy that I have cowboy boots and a hat.....but there isn't ONE LITTLE PART of me that is attracted to a man in black eye liner and lipstick. Of course, he doesn't dress like this all the time or anything, but still the type of person that EVER would is really just not my kind of guy.
In a polite way, I did tell him all this last night. It's not easy to say these things to someone who cares about you knowing all the ways you are different from them and not caring. Apparently us being so physically different as well as having completely different interests doesn't seem to phase him. What worries me about all that though, is that he mentioned how lonely and slightly desperate he was to be in a relationship. That is not a good combination. He has a lot of self discovery to get through and just being in a relationship with SOMEONE isn't going to help him through this phase in his life. I will remain his friend and I really hope he gets back in school and starts to rebuild his life because I think it will give him the confidence he needs to find a woman who will actually complement him and share in all his interests, because I'm clearly not that girl.
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