New Year, New Bridge

Even though I know that I started last year, and the year before, with this same blindingly optimistic  attitude, I can't help but feel like this year really IS different. This year has to be my turn to get it all together. Just looking at the odds really....it's clearly my turn.  I am not tramped in any illusion that there is a magical Get-Your-Shit-Together-Fairy that will wave her little pixie wand, blow some fairy dust on me and all will magically fall into place. I understand that the only fairy out there that can do that will have to come from inside of me. I have to get motivated and light that fairy's ass, and I think 2012 will be the year I do that.
I recently met someone who keeps a large hand written list of his top ten goals for the new year on the wall in his room. We reviewed it together and many of the things on his list from last year he either accomplished, or at least had a better handle on at the beginning of 2012. I was impressed because that list had remained on his wall all year. He stared at it during times of defeat and crossed things off in times of victory. I was actually pretty envious of his ability to focus his goals into ten precise and attainable goals. Not these large concepts I seem to develop that are vague enough to not have to clearly say if I actually DID them at all. My favorite all encompassing, but completely useless resolution, was to be more selfish. That one makes me laugh because, even though, generally, I think that is a good goal, it's the specifics that I need to focus on. I don't want to be a selfish person and I would never resolve to actually discard others. What I technically mean, is to put what's best for me first. My health, my ethics, my finances, my mental health and my career. Those five, slightly more specific subtitles are still not focused enough. So in an effort to be completely candid and honest with myself, I will list my specific top ten.

Health

1. Run a Half Marathon 

2. Completely quit smoking, no more half-assing it

3. Drink less beer (not wine..that's still ok)

Ethics

4. Stand up for what I believe in, ALWAYS, even if it's unpopular

5. Volunteer within my community

Mental Health

6. Pick up my guitar again and relearn what I worked so hard to learn

7. Start seeing a therapist

Finances

8. Pay off my car

9. Commit to putting at least 50 dollars of every paycheck in my savings

Career

10. Finish updating my resume and apply to at least two jobs a month

I think that is a pretty specific list. Now I need to pin it up on my wall and stare at it until the guilt of making such a public and precise list haunts me into really doing them. Interesting how once you say something out loud, and others hear your thoughts or intentions, it's absolutely unavoidable to try to fulfill them; if for no other reason than to not make an ass of yourself.  So it becomes the accountability more than the personal want that really drives us...but we really do want these things too! Crazy how messed up we are and the things we'll do to trick ourselves into becoming the people we really want to be. I'd be on a reality show if it meant that I could get all ten of these goals accomplished this year. Publicly humiliate me! I don't care...just GET THIS LIST CHECKED OFF! Well, maybe that's a little much. Hopefully just getting a therapist will help and I can save myself the public embarrassment! But in 2013, if I don't get all this accomplished, I'm calling the TV networks!